why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
