Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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