I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
