I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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