i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
