I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Congratulations! We have a period
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