Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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