i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
