So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
