he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
