Someone shit on the floor
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
