I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
