I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
