She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
