I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
