pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
