she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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