Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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