Are you still at the party or did I leave?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
