i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
