I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
