ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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