I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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