I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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