so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
