So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
