in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
