so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
