Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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