Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize