Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
