Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
