I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
