Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
