i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Houston, we have a squirter
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
