I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
