just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
