I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
