I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
