I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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