this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
do herpes really smell.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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