Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
