I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
