she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
