In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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