a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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