Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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