ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
