i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
