Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
NoShamevember. You game?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
