porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We're too hungover to prance.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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