Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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