Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
