jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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