So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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