He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
