Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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