I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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