You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
