I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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