it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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