The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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