dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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