it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
