Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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