Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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