I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
