Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
