There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
