your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
