You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
