I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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