You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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