shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
