You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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