if i can run in heels then i can drive
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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