She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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