I love black thongs
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
