Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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