No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
