i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
