so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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