you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
