Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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