i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
